Sunday, April 19, 2015

A Day in the Life (#34): In which Elizabeth GETS REAL about Life, The Universe and Everything

The past few weeks have been a lot of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm used to having this sort of feeling in music - there's a lot of feeling stuck and pretty shitty about music followed by lots and lots of hard work followed by a very short period of FUCK YEAH I'M AWESOME...followed by yet another plateau when I get stuck again.  It's just kind of the life of a musician, and I came to terms with that a long time ago. But I haven't really felt this way about myself as a person...maybe since I was a teenager?  (...there may be a reason why I love kickass, selfish, vain characters so much). Which now that I've said that makes me wonder A LOT about my growth as a person, so maybe I had this coming.

Maybe a lot of it is the amount of life changing things I've had to deal with in the last 6 years. And the deaths of loved ones that I was hit with.  I think I've spent so much energy in the last six years literally just holding myself together.  I don't think I even realized how much energy I was spending doing that until fairly recently now that I feel my life is starting to even out. (Which is funny since so much is changing. But maybe I just feel equipped to handle most anything now.)  Crying over Dannon commercials probably should have been a good indicator I was clearly going through something whether I was admitting to it or not haha!  But then again I still occasionally cry over yogurt commercials. (Or all sorts of other weird stuff.  DON'T ASK ME WHY I DON'T KNOW). So maybe I am just forever going to be the girl who cries over yogurt commercials.

But now that I'm feeling able to deal with's given me time to deal with some pretty big character flaws.  I'm not sure if they've always been there and I just never noticed/cared (likely) or if they've just developed over the past few years.  One of the biggest things I'm really sensitive to right now is how talkative I am.

It's weird because while I'm pretty evenly balanced between being an introvert and extrovert, I'm definitely on the introvert side of things. I'm happy to not see a single person for a good solid week. That doesn't bother me at all. I have literally done that (And refused to answer the phone. Or call for delivery.)  But I talk....a lot. Or rather to say I talk a lot is a huge understatement. Like to the point that I think literally every person I have met has either said to me or mentioned to my friends that I am...well, really talkative.  It's compacted when I'm nervous.  Instead of feeling tense and awkward...I just keep talking until something pans out and it turns into a conversation.  I have to say it can be really effective...but it can be reeaaalllyyy awkward too.  (Admittedly, awkward not having anything to talk about for ten minutes still feels worse to me.)  I don't really know how to describe all of this as a bad thing exactly, because being talkative in and of itself isn't a bad thing.  But I am sure it is completely overwhelming. (Especially if you hit upon something I get super excited about. Like books. Or pokemon.)  I have a friend who I super, super love...but man she can be exhausting because she talks so much. And I imagine that's what people feel when they talk to me.  I used to think I was a good listener - and I think there was a time, long, long, LONG ago when that might have been true.  It certainly hasn't been the case for a while now - I'm way too focused on my thoughts and experiences and am constantly taking control of the conversation.  All of this has basically come to a boil because I've gone on a bunch of double dates (which I HATE. I AM THE WORST AT THEM.) and met a lot of new people. It's also made me realize that I am really bad at talking to girls I don't know. How have I ever made girl friends? And I mean...I'm a girl. I talk to my girl friends the same way I talk to my boy friends and WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR ME GIRLS ARE NOT SCARY THEY ARE NORMAL PEOPLE.  Basically there's been a lot of my awkward babbling and it's made me feel just...weird talking at all and I guess that's just something I'm going to have to change/work through until I feel ok about it all again.  And it's not like I want to turn myself into a shy wallflower. I actually think that might have been where being talkative came from - there was a time I refused to talk to strangers and was basically pretty shy at school around kids I didn't know well.  And I felt like I faded to the background and especially when I started taking of principal duties in my youth orchestra (for the nonmusicians, it basically means being a leader and having lots of solos) you need to be able to be confident and show off.  So I think I tried to combat that by forcing myself to talk a lot. And somehow I've just lost the balance and need to tone it back.

Anyway, enough about moody Elizabeth, let's get to some fun posts around the blogosphere!

 And also this.

I'm going to try out a new format on my links.  I really like how clean and simple Asti and Kelley's weekly round ups are (and if you like my links and want more you should totally check theirs out - now that I've discovered theirs a bunch of mine are coming from there!) and it feels like it takes less time to put together this way (but I'm also not really putting any of my opinions on the post and I might miss doing that).  I'm also going to try and make more subsections so it looks less overwhelming when I put up all the links haha.  So let me know - do you prefer one way or the other? Or does it not matter to you at all?

Books and Women
Jordan talks about sexist attitudes within the industry and needing to sit back and let women lead these discussions in On Curiosity.
Brandy talks about  Intersectionality and Female Friendships in YA.
Cait asks Why Is There So Much Sexism in Epic Fantasy? WHY?
Tess Sharpe discusses Abortion, Girls, Choice, and Agency.
Alexandra talks about Staking Our Claim Our Claim in the Science Fiction Universe.
Amy is a Feminist Author Who Dares To Write "Unlikable".
Kelly asks  Where Do We Go From Here? Wrapping Up "About The Girls".

Bookish Discussions
Matt discusses How We Talk (or Don't Talk) About Diversity When We Read To Our Kids.
Janet muses on Valentina, Tana and Friendships.

Blogging and Awards
Charlie asks about Etiquette When Responding To Authors.
Carolyn gives a wrap up post on George R.R. Martin's Addressing the 'Puppy-gate' Controversy. (For those of you who don't know basically the Hugo awards are going through some serious stuff right now. Check it out for sure)
Teresa informs us Two Hugo-Nominated Authors Withdraw Their Works From The Awards This Year.

Books and Authors
Asti talks about the different editions of Shadow and Bone in her latest Bookish Parade.
Sync gives two free audiobooks a week, pairing YA books with classic literature to help promote literacy! 2015's titles are up on the site!
Mari tells us all about A Grimm Snow White.
Ink-splot has written a reimagining of Harry Potter - What if Petunia Dursley Had Been a Good Person? (And excuse me while go and...have an allergy attack in the corner)
Maggie Stiefvater rages about inherent sexism.

Bookish Fun Stuff
Which YA BFF Are You? I tied between Regan and Po which seems about right haha
Which Hogwarts Professor Is Your Soulmate?  Unsurprisingly, I am paired with Remus Lupin as I always am. (He is pretty dreamy!)
Fantasy Casting the Presidential Cabinet with YA Heroines Ahhhh I love this so much!  I. LOVE. THESE. PICKS.

TV and Movies
Sara has a surprisingly insightful discussion about The 8 Most Underrated Sidekicks and Sub-villains.
Rebecca wraps up her recap posts of Avatar and it feels like it's all over ALL OVER AGAIN.  (But YESSS she's going to do Korra recaps!!)
Allaire Bartel Captures Just How Intrusive Everyday Sexism Feels.
Cait wants to know Who Is The Better Sherlock? (I REALLY want to watch Elementary but haven't been able to)
Lesley interviews The Women Behind The Award-Winning Film,Farah Goes Bang.
Stubby Recasts The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Miscellaneous Nonbooks Stuff
Lisa talks about navigating social interpretation of skirt lengths, and why privileged women have so many clothes.
Brontosaurus Was Real All Along - MY LIFE HAS MEANING AGAIN!
12-Year-Old Girl Takes the Gaming Industry to Task Over Paying for Female Characters


  1. I somehow feel like I ended up with twice the normal number of links this week haha! I try not to let it spiral out of control...but I guess sometimes I just can't help myself

  2. *Skirts - super interesting. I'm not sure I necessarily buy into all of that, but I can see some of her points.
    *intersectional friendships - I liked this article a lot too. Especially as someone who grew up in a predominately white school with a large Asian population. Also, have you read Pointe? If not, you should. It was good!
    *diversity when we read to our kids - Race is such a hot topic right now, and as a parent I feel like I need address it with my daughter on some level. But she is at an age where she barely notices differences so should I introduce it to her? My instinct is no. If she asks me something, I'm pretty non chalant. I get less questions about skin color than I do about sexual orientation. She has two guys kissing on the tv and was like "whhhaa?". I just told her that some guys like girls, some like guys. But I also feel torn because it seems like we either need to address race with our kids all the time, or be completely nonchalant about it. I'm not sure what the right answer is.

  3. I haven't! It was on my list of books to grab this month, but I ended up filling up my bag to quickly with the adult books since I was afraid I wouldn't check any out if I didn't check them out first haha. But I'm definitely planning on making it a priority!

    It's weird for me because I'm a nanny, not the kids' parent. I want to be able to expose them to things, but I also don't want to overstep any boundaries (especially when it comes to sexuality/gender stuff) because I don't know how the parents want to address certain topics or even if they've thought of it. I think they're probably pretty liberal minded, but you never know. So far I've kind of left it up to whatever questions the kids have (like why Susan/Lucy didn't fight in the battle in TLtWatW) or answer honestly when one of the kids asks why I didn't like a book (Dr. Seuss putting Indians in the zoo) and it seems to have been fine. It's hard to know what they pick up on though haha!

  4. So, sounds like you are being VERY hard on yourself. I think most of us tend to be more critical of ourselves than others and while it's probably not bad to examine oneself and seek self-improvement I think it can go overboard. And while that is coming across as totally patronising, lol, I don't mean it that way because these are things I continually try to tell myself and usually ignore:). I thought that at some point I'd get all this figured out and become strictly awesome but am starting to think it ain't possible. So probably the best thing to do is just accept myself even with all the characters flaws. I'll let you know when I get that done:).

    Awesome links as usual! I am super excited about the Sync line up this year!

  5. Well thank you! I think it's just weird for me because I haven't felt genuinely socially awkward in any situation involving people I don't know since I was like...fourteen. I think I have finally discovered the downsides to turning myself into a hermit when I was in Chicago haha! So hopefully I'll just find a bit more balance :)

    I had NO IDEA about Sync, and it looks super awesome! So I'm just hoping I remember to check it out when it goes up (I need to set a reminder somehow of some sort)

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