I have recently come to (yet another) very startling and uncomfortable realization about myself: I value what the male love interests want/need/think more than what the female love interest wants/needs/thinks. Yeah. I said that. And it goes against EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN. And I think I've always been this way, I just hadn't noticed it. This is usually how love interest ranking goes in my head:
1. What boy wants/needs her more
2. What boy I think is best for her
3. What boy the girl thinks is best for her.
What kind of screwed up priority is that?
It's most obvious to me when I am reading/watching a story where the girl is the one chasing the boy. I love it when the boy is pining after the girl - I can get super swoony over it (assuming it's not stalkerish. I'm talking Ren from Skip Beat sort of situation) But I've realized something. In K-Dramas more often than not, the girl is the one who is pining after the boy. And a lot of the time I hate it. I spend the whole time asking my tv WHY? Why do you love this jerk?? This other dude is SO much better for you!! (Ok, admittedly a lot of the relationships with the main love interests can be kind of abusive on the male end of things, so there are other things at play here). If a girl is going after a guy who is clearly not into her, it makes me uncomfortable.
Why is that?
Why is it ok when I'm reading all these books with alpha males going after women who are resistant to the attention (at first)? Admittedly, I'm not a big alpha male reader, but when it comes down to it...it doesn't bother me as much as the girl chasing the guy.
It suddenly put a conversation I had a long time ago with Christina in a whole new light for me. I had mentioned that I shipped the other guy in Goong, not the main one. And she had said that she totally didn't get that because my guy didn't care about making her happy, he cared about wanting her to be with him - which wasn't the same thing at all. At the time I didn't get it and just brushed it off as a difference of opinion. And who knows? Maybe on a rewatch I'd still agree with my original assessment - but in light of everything I've just realized about myself, it makes me think she more than likely has a really excellent point. Because I do distinctly remember one thing: At no point does the MC ever show interest in my guy. I just wanted her to be with him because HE wanted her to be with him. How is that any different from when the girl wants a guy who is totally not into her? (As was the case with the MC and her love interest at this point in the story)
So...how do I go about fixing this? It's a definite preference choice, I just happen to think that while it is totally ok for me to love men pursuing women, I need to be less critical of women pursuing men. I think watching a ton of K-Dramas has helped that a little (it's definitely made me more aware). But...do I just immerse myself in stories where the woman is doing the chasing? How does one actively change their opinion on something?